The Behaviors That Hold When the Day Falls Apart
Most athletes can tell you what their goals are. PRs. Podiums. A qualifying time. A number on a watch.
But the moment a race goes sideways—or a workout feels heavy—those outcome goals can turn into a trap. Suddenly the “win” disappears, and what replaces it is judgment: I’m failing. I’m behind. I’m not good enough.
That’s why this conversation matters:
What does winning mean to you when results go poorly?
Not when conditions are perfect. Not when you’re flying. When you’re tired, under pressure, distracted, behind schedule, or flat-out getting beat.Because that’s the real test of identity.
1) Your definition of winning was installed somewhere… and it might be outdated
One of the most important questions you can ask is:
Where did my original definition of winning start?
For some people, it started in childhood sport— culture, team dynamics, praise, punishment, toughness myths, or “win = worth.” That definition can work for a while… until life shifts.
A 25-year-old body and a 61-year-old body don’t respond the same way. A new athlete and a 20-year veteran don’t need the same fuel. A parent, a professional, a caregiver—doesn’t have the same bandwidth as someone with unlimited time. So if your identity is still tied to “harder = better” and “results = value,” you’ll feel like you’re losing… even when you’re doing the exact work that will make you better.
Reframe: Winning isn’t just a result.
Winning is how you show up when your result isn’t guaranteed.
2) Real winning is behavioral—and it shows up on your worst day
Here’s the cleanest way to define winning:
Winning = a behavior you can still do on your worst day.
If someone peeked around the corner when you were struggling—when it wasn’t going your way—what would you want them to notice?
Not your pace.
Not your placement.
Your standards.
Consistency over outcomes (smart work vs hard work; meeting your body where it is now)
Finish what you start (never give up; follow through)
Start the workout (no incomplete tasks; show up and adjust without spiraling)
Confidence and courage (sport as a platform to build self-trust that carries into real life)
These are identity-level wins.
They’re durable. They travel with you into every race, every season, every phase of life.
3) The fastest way to lose is to spend energy on what you can’t control
Pressure exposes patterns. And most spirals start here:
You get consumed by what you can’t control.
Competition. Conditions. Referees. Weather. Cancellations. Other athletes. Other riders. Equipment failures. Bad timing. Someone else being reckless. You can waste huge emotional energy getting angry at the uncontrollable. Or you can build the skill that separates high performers:
Control the controllables.
Your positioning
Your reactions
Your preparation
Your equipment checks
Your nutrition
Your sleep
Your clothing choices
Your pacing discipline
Your self-talk
Your focus anchor
This isn’t motivational fluff. It’s performance logic.
Every time you choose controllables, you put yourself back into a winning position—because you’re back in the driver’s seat.
4) Watch your language: victim stories and internal blame both steal performance
Two common traps show up fast when things go wrong:
A) Victim language
“This happened to me.”
“That person did this.”
“The conditions ruined it.”
“My job…”
“My schedule…”
Sometimes those things are real. But the question is always:
What did I have control over that I ignored?
Victim language isn’t “bad.” It’s human.
The problem is it delays the recovery.
B) Internal blaming
“I’m a bad runner.”
“I always choke.”
“I’m terrible at this.”
That’s not honest. It’s vague. And vague is unusable.
Instead, stay factual and specific:
“I underfueled today.”
“I started too hard.”
“I didn’t sleep enough this week.”
“I lost focus after the first setback.”
Now you can correct it. That’s the whole goal: Not perfection—faster correction.
5) Standards beat goals because standards show up every day
Goals are powerful… but they’re also far away.
Standards are your non-negotiables—your bottom-line behaviors that define who you are as an athlete (and person), regardless of motivation.
A question that cuts straight through the noise:
If motivation disappeared completely, what would still get done? That answer tells you your real standard.
And the standard has to be realistic on your worst day, not your best day. Overly ambitious commitments create all-or-nothing thinking, and that’s where consistency dies.
The magic is boring—and it works:
small standards + repeated daily = massive accumulation over 30 days
That’s how athletes get dangerous.
6) Know your best state—and your “tell” when it starts to go sideways
Everyone has a performance profile.
Some people compete best when:
calm and happy
relaxed with medium focus
slightly distracted (because too much focus tightens them up)
aggressive and sharp
Your job is to identify:
What your best state feels like
What your worst state looks like
The first signal that tells you you’re drifting
That “tell” might be:
feeling rushed
obsessing over pace/power
staring at the clock
tightening up
emotional snapping
over-control
negative labeling
the urge to force it
When you know your tell, you can correct early—before the dominoes fall.
7) Confidence often shows up when you stop chasing the watch
Two stories repeated the same lesson:
“Leave your watch at home.”
“Turn off the bike computer.”
“Go have fun.”
“Run by the river and notice how lucky you are.”
And ironically—performance improved.
Why?
Because outcome attachment creates tension.
Tension narrows thinking.
Narrow thinking makes you overreact to uncontrollables.
And then you spiral.
Flow shows up when you trust the work you’ve already banked.
Confidence is built in training—but accessed through presence.
8) Build a routine and a cue word that pulls you back between the guardrails
This is where it becomes actionable.
You don’t rise to your goals—you fall to your routines.
So you build:
a pre-workout / pre-race routine that matches your performance profile (lots of time vs controlled chaos)
a cue word that returns you to your best state (flow, calm, smooth, patience, brave, execute)
a combat word that counters your default negative loop
Example: “Up, up, up” as a rhythm cue on the bike.
Simple. Weird. Effective.
The cue isn’t magic—it’s a trigger to re-enter your process.
9) The big takeaway: the win is staying inside the guardrails more often
This whole system is about one thing: Awareness → recognition → faster correction.
Not avoiding emotions.
Not pretending you don’t care.
Not being perfectly calm and composed.
Being human… and getting back to center faster. Because the best athletes aren’t the ones who never drift. They’re the ones who notice quickly—and return to the work.
If you only do one thing after reading this, do this:
1) Define winning (behavioral)
On my worst day, winning looks like:
2) Identify your controllables
Top 5 things I control that drive performance:
3) Name your standards (non-negotiables)
Even with zero motivation, I will still:
4) Spot your drift (“tell”)
When I start to spiral, the first sign is:
5) Choose your reset cue
My cue word / phrase to return to my best state: