Showing Up as Your Best Self (Even on the Hard Days)

One of the biggest myths in sport is that confidence, focus, and toughness are things you either have or you don’t.

They’re not. They’re skills—and like any skill, they can be trained.

The goal of this work isn’t to be perfect, fearless, or “on” all the time. The goal is much simpler and far more powerful: to show up as your best self consistently—on good days and on the hardest days.

Redefining what “winning” actually means

If winning only means the scoreboard, you’re always at the mercy of things you can’t fully control.

So here’s a better question:

If I watched you on your hardest day, how would I know you were still winning?

That’s process-based winning.

It shows up in effort, focus, composure, preparation, and respect—for yourself, your teammates, and the race. Results matter, but they don’t define you. Your standards do.

Control the controllables

A lot of frustration and anxiety in sport comes from trying to control the uncontrollable.

You do control:

• your attitude

• your effort

• your preparation

• your focus and self-talk

• your body language

• your routine, sleep, hydration, and fueling

You don’t control:

• the outcome

• opponents

• referees

• conditions

• other people’s behavior

When you train yourself to return to what you control, your performance becomes more stable—especially under pressure.

Standards over goals

Goals are outcomes you want.

Standards are behaviors you refuse to abandon, regardless of the outcome.

Ask yourself:

• What are my non-negotiables?

• Which standards are hardest to hold when I’m tired or frustrated?

• When my standards slip, how does my behavior change?

This is where identity is built. And identity is what carries you through hard moments.

Know the state where you perform best

Not everyone performs best in the same emotional state.

Some athletes need calm.

Some need intensity.

Some play best loose and happy.

Others need an edge.

There’s no “right” way—there’s your way.

The work is simply noticing patterns:

• How do I feel on my best days?

• How do I feel on my worst days?

• What’s different in my preparation, mindset, and environment?

Self-awareness is the foundation of consistency.

Triggers aren’t the enemy—unawareness is

Everyone has triggers:

• early mistakes

• frustration with opponents

• feeling judged

• unexpected difficulty

• pressure from outside sources

Triggers often show up physically first—tight jaw, raised shoulders, scattered focus, tension. Once you recognize them, you can interrupt them.

Simple tools under pressure

This is where cue words matter.

A cue word is short, personal, and repeatable:

• “Reset”

• “Now”

• “Breathe”

• “Trust”

• “Attack”

Pair it with a small physical action—one breath, a posture reset, a consistent movement.

That interruption brings you back to the state where you compete best.

Some days, when that’s not enough, you need a combat word—something that either brings energy up or settles you down, depending on what’s happening.

This work goes beyond sport

The point of all of this isn’t just better performances.

It’s learning how to:

• manage pressure

• respond instead of react

• stay grounded when things don’t go your way

• understand yourself and others better

Those skills don’t disappear when sport ends. They carry into school, work, relationships, and life. And that’s the real win.